What Any Husband or Boyfriend Needs to Know
Being supportive while your partner learns fertility awareness methods
How you can help

Hi guys, some of you have written me, looking for ways to assist your partners in learning about a more natural method of contraception. I've just started putting this page together, its got a good little start, and I like to get information out there as soon as I can, think of it if you will as a rough draft, I've been unable to work on it for about a week and decided to put it up as is for the time being. I'll add more when I can. Future additions to this page will include what I've found about natural contraceptives for men, in particular, Neem. If there is something else you would like to see here, please email me with your commits and suggestions. Writing from a female perspective, I'm not going to anticipate everything you guys feel like you need to know.

My speal.....
Men are always fertile. Sperm work with single-minded determination, to find and fertilize that egg. Although women are fertile for a short period of time, it is difficult for the vast majority of women to determine when they are fertile because we are taught so little about our bodies and are taught nothing about how our fertility cycles work. And men know even less about a woman's body and her fertility patterns. The challenge is to overcome sexual taboos and work with your partner to learn more. It can only help deepen your relationship and understanding of each other.

It takes time to learn fertility patterns, several months and the learning process continues beyond the initial learning period. You can help your partner by being supportive, and taking an interest in what she is doing. While she is learning natural birth control methods another form of contraception must be employed, usually either barrier methods or abstinence. The most common and reliable form is condoms, for added protection a cervical cap or diaphram can be employed.

We are raised in a society where sex is not talked about, times are changing but sexual taboos are deeply ingrained. It easier for us to shun our sexual responsibilities than start the conversations about sexually transmitted disease, or conversations dealing with contraception (birth control). We each have to start taking on our personal responsibilities. It is important that before you & your partner start having unprotected sex that both of you be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Go to the clinic together. Many sexually transmitted diseases (STD) are barely noticeable for men, and may not realized they are carrying any diseases, until after giving it to their partner and she is the one who is actually diagnosed. There are several diseases, once acquired, they stay with you for life. Herpes is one example, HPV virus is another which causes very small and inconspicuous warts on the penis, near the head, and really isn't such a big deal for men, except that you'll pass it to every partner you have, putting each of them at risk for cervical cancer. HPVirus causes abnormal changes in the cells of the cervix, and some strains of the virus have been linked to cervical cancer which still has a high mortality rate. And then there are STDs which can damage a man's ability to have children and affect his overall health and wellbeing as well. There are lots of reasons to make sure you both have a clean bill of health before engaging in unprotected sex. Its just part of the responsibility of being sexually active in our modern age.

Taking responsibility for your Fertility
There is not a day that goes by that a man's sperm are not standing by ready and waiting to do their job (seek out and fertilize the egg). It seems that through out history, in general, men have not been encouraged to take responsibility for perpetual fertility. Every time unprotected (by use of birth control) sex occurs (if the woman doesn't know when she is fertile) the potential for life exists.
It would be really great if men would be more conscious and aware, and take precaution to protect themselves and their female partner from unwanted pregnancy and diseases. And it's to your advantage, what if she wants to have a baby when you don't and tells you she is on the pill, when really she is not. There are women who use pregnancy as a way to keep their man, whether it is physically or financially. Don't be victimized by your own fertility, when pregnancy is so easy to prevent.
I've heard too many stories from men who didn't want more children, but ended up with more anyway. That's what it is all about for men and women both, we all need to take responsibility for ourselves, our fertility and life in general. If you don't look out for yourself, who else will. And that's just talking about pregnancy, not to mention disease. And something else to consider, almost two decades of child support payments, these days they make you pay, dock your wages and if you don't pay, then in some states they send you to jail. Why go through all that grief when it was something that was preventable in the first place? Personally I think it is in every ones interest to start taking responsibility for our own fertility; men and women both. And the first step is eliminating ignorance.

There has been a few times where men have told me or their partners that they are infertile, because they had never gotten any of their partners pregnant inspite of not using contraception consistently, then imagine their surprise when suddenly their partner is pregnant. Even if you have not gotten a woman pregnant, don't assume you are infertile, male infertility is rare. Men release in an average ejaculation between 120 and 600 million sperm. Don't take chances.

Unfortunately, there are not many contraceptive options available for men. Condoms and vasectomy is basically what the choices boil down to. There are some experimental ones I hear about from time to time. One is a hot water treatment, hard boil those huevos!! ;o) Sorry couldn't resist. For more info.... Another option in the works, which sounds really great, I read about it in Oct 99 Esquire magizine. {sorry the link i had is no longer in existence.} And recently I have heard of a herbal contraceptive for men. I have not heard a whole lot about it, but have been aware of the plant for some time. I do know that tons of research has been done on this herb. And it is opening up new contraceptive options for both men and women. The plant is called Neem. For more information...

Other sources of information:
Male Contraception Information Project (MCIP)
Male Contraceptives.org

Improving sexual relations
Has your girlfriend, wife or lover ever had an orgasm? If not you might want to suggest she try masturbating. When she discovers what feels good to her, what it is like to have an orgasm and how to make it happen, it naturally spills over into your lovemaking. She can also share with you what gives her pleasure. Pay attention to when she tells you, and remember what she tells you, don't make her tell you twice!

Lubrication is very important! Nothing is worse than dry scratchy calloused fingers on our most delicate parts! Saliva on your fingers works, wetted as needed until our own juices get going, oral stimulation works, best not to over stimulate though, ky-jelly, whatever it takes. Lots of kissing on the mouth, sucking her nipples all help to get her excited and her juices flowing making the sexual experience more enjoyable for both of you. Encourage her to take the dominate position, to ride you, this gives her more control, helping her to find what feels the best and aiding her in achieving orgasm.

Lubricants to choose from; K-Y Jelly, saliva. I use a homemade oil, made from st johnswort flowers and regular olive oil. You could use plain olive oil or an unscented massage oil. One note with using oils like olive oil, they are said to weaken the latex in condoms. I have used the homemade st johnswort oil with an olive oil base for many years with condoms, applying it both to myself and my partner and have not experienced any problems with the condoms. Something to be aware of, condoms can and do break, if you've ever had one break on you in the past, don't use any oils with the latex. And one substance you should NEVER use for sexual lubrication is petroleum jelly.

Menstruation ~ what is it like to menstruate?
Some of you have asked me what its like to menstruate.... Well, it's different for every woman, and I guess you guys will have to talk with your partner to see what her experience is like.

Girls grow up hearing stories (mostly from tv and movies) about the monthly "Curse". It is hard to generate a positive feeling for something that makes many of us feel lousy, that is messy, and society has portrayed in a negative light. Yet if we don't bleed, that signifies a problem, whether it is pregnancy or a health problem. It becomes a love-hate thing. As I have become more aware of my body, my attitude toward menstruation has changed, I view it in a more positive light, I try to go with the flow, to arrange my schedule so I can be mellow the first day of bleeding, which is my most difficult day. I view menstruation more as a friend, signifying that I have successfully navigated my way through another cycle of fertility, successfully avoiding pregnancy.

What can you do to help make the experience better for us? By being sympathetic to our needs. Massage, particularly of the lower back, gentle but firm. Find out what works for your partner, ask her what you can do for her to make the experience more pleasant for both of you.

On site links:
Neem - Herbal Contraception for Men
Vasectomy - personal experience by anonymous
Vasectomy - personal experience by D. Collins

Off site links you might find interesting:
Planned Parenthood Clinic finder - Find one near you!
Ann Rose's Ultimate Birth Control Links
Male Contraception Information Project
Birth Control Pills for Men (not yet available)
Male Contraceptives.org
What does the female respond to orgasm and how she does feel? a very commercial site, but some interesting tidbits of information if you can stand to sift through all the junk.

This site Copyright 1998 - 2010 by Sister Zeus

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