A Personal Story




Submitted: March 18, 2001

Name: Morgan
Age: 21
Weight:108
Height:5-4

Did you have a pregnancy test? yes
When was it taken? two days ago
What was the result. negative. It should be said that while I was negative I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I was pregnant, plus, I had unprotected sex on the day that I ovulate. While it is possible that I ovulated at a different time, I have never felt this strongly that I did in fact conceive. I have been having dreams of babies and also did a tarot reading that suggested strongly that I was pregnant.

How was the pregnancy ended? By taking blue cohosh
Were you successful in using the herbs? I believe so.
Is this your first pregnancy? No.

What was the date of the first day of your last menstrual period? February 2
Do you know the date of fertilizing intercourse? The fifth of March
What was the date you were expecting menstruation? I was not late.
How long do your cycles usually run? These days its real hard to tell, I am quite irregular. anywhere from 35 days to 44 days.

What was the date when the herbs were started? 13th of March
How many weeks pregnant were you when the herbs were started? one week
For how many days were the herbs used (total)? 5 days
What was the date the pregnancy was terminated? 18th of March

Were you using birth control? no
If you were not using birth control, please share why not. It was the first time me and my partner had sex... and we really wanted it to be special, w/o the barrier of anything between us...

Did you experience any symptoms or signs of pregnancy? no, too early... just intuitive messages.
When did they start? 12th of March

Please include a summary of dosage information.
Blue Cohosh
non alcohol based tincture
20 drops directly on tongue
every 4 hours
5 days
side effects: slight nausea
Any positive effects?: well, I was coming down with a cold when I first started taking the herb and it went away immediately. perhaps there are other medicinal qualities that I was benefiting from??

My story--
I recently became sexually involved with someone that means very much to me. Unfortunately, my history of relationships is not good. I used to be attracted to men that were no good for me, that just took from me and never gave back. My ideas of being sexual with someone was pretty skewed unfortunately. Until I met my current partner. He is someone that instinctively and naturally just wants to love me. And once I really got to know him and realized what a pure and giving individual he is, I couldn't wait to share myself sexually with him. And we did, and it was beautiful. It was his first time actually. And mine too in a way... to share myself sexually with someone that I trust and really love had never happened.

However, we didn't use a condom. And I was pretty freaked out about it when I noticed that we had made love around the time that I may have ovulated. My cycle has been very long recently-44 day cycle to be exact-- and just recently... so it is hard to say when I really ovulate... but it was no doubt during a fertile time in my cycle. And I began to panic. I was overwhelmed with the idea that I was pregnant. No physical symptoms, it hadn't even been a week...but I felt different somehow...Like there was something inside of me that wasn't there before.

And I became very upset with myself. I began having negative thoughts about the relationship...and began trying convince myself that because we were so negligent about protection that the relationship wasn't all that I had cracked it up to be. My thoughts were running wild and I could not stop them. More than anything I was upset because I knew how beautiful and true things were with him, and I didn't want that to be soured by an unwanted pregnancy. I didn't want to lose this one... he's special.

I had a test done and it was negative...I was not even officially late yet...but I was certain that something had happened.

My housemate and a close friend could see how anxious I was and she recommended that I take Blue Cohosh to terminate the pregnancy. Even if I wasn't pregnant it would bring my period on, she said and if I was pregnant it would terminate it. I was not sure whether it was the right thing to do or not. But I decided to go ahead and take her suggestion...she had a great experience with it in a similar situation and I trusted her. So I began taking 20 drops of Blue Cohosh (non alcohol tincture) every fours hours for five days before my period was due.

I took it by the clock...I set my alarm at four hour intervals and wherever I was I took it. It did not taste bad at all, my taste buds actually sort of like it. On the third day, I became slightly nauseous upon taking it...not enough to really vomit, but nauseous.

During these five days I was very introspective. I had many conversations with my deepest self about pregnancy and about my new relationship. I asked my body to do whatever it needed to do so that I could learn from the experience. I attempted to communicate with the fetus inside of me and attempted to communicate that now was not the time for it to be carried. I contemplated my love for my partner and I honored how true it was through ritual. I let my body know that the Blue Cohosh was there to help the situation and let my body know to be as open to it as possible.

One the 5th night, I still hadn't bled. I was for certain that I was going to have to begin making phone calls to abortion clinics. I was certain that the next pregnancy test I took would be positive. I meditated again with my body as I had every night and then did a tarot card reading... something I am no expert at. and I asked the tarot if I was pregnant. The reading very strongly told me that I had in fact conceived and that the future was going to be very emotional. I went to sleep on the fifth night exhausted and confused.

That night I dreamt of being surrounded by children. And I was trying to keep track of all of them, trying to keep all of them under my attention, trying to mother all of them. And one of the children walked up to me and handed me a weed-like flower. I smiled and thanked the child for the gift. The child smiled back and I woke up. I woke up with an incredible cramping in my legs... I went to the bathroom and had begun bleeding! I began to cry a little bit... partly because of relief and partly because I remembered my dream. What was the plant that the child handed me? Was it in fact blue cohosh? I looked up a picture of blue cohosh only to find that yes indeed it was the plant in my dream.

I am bleeding now and am so grateful for my body's ability to do what it needs to do. I have released whatever it was that I was holding onto... In retrospection I think that I not only let go of an unwanted pregnancy but I also let go of the need to doubt and fear the true love that I have found with my partner. I have let that go and have really moved on into a new phase of understanding my fertility and its connection with my dreams and the rest of my body. I am going to begin for the first time a natural family planning method and look forward to including my partner in my fertility.

This experience had brought me close to my body and I trust the power of herbs so much. For any of you reading, please, give your body the space it needs to communicate with you. If you have an unwanted pregnancy, look deeper into it for the larger meaning... what is it that you need to let go of? Is it really the child inside of you? Or is it an opportunity to let go of other things that are not serving you anymore? What herbs will facilitate you doing that?

Your body is incredibly smart... so inherently wise. And if you give yourself the time and space for it to speak its wisdom, then you will find yourself safe and exactly where you need to be.

I hope that this helps any of you reading and that it somehow brings you closer to what your body and the universe is trying to teach you.

Love and Strength-
Morgan






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