Did you have a pregnancy test? Yes
How would you rate your experience? Were you successful in using the herbs? Yes, Partial
Is there anything you would have done differently?
How much do you weigh? 235 lbs
Commits -
I am choosing to relate my experience with herbal abortion because I found
myself looking desperately for indications of what I might expect, physically,
in books, and on the Internet. While this page was by far the most helpful, I
had trouble understanding what might actually happen, so I wanted to share my
experience. I am relating exactly what I really did, and I'm not claiming it
was smart, or right. I'm just sharing what really happened, and I'm trying not
to judge myself.
Since my choice to take herbs was directly related to a botched surgical
abortion, I take the liberty of including that experience here.
Other than the pregnancy that created my son, I was 38 before I encountered an
unwanted pregnancy. Having been a longtime supporter of Choice, I went to an
abortion clinic, expecting some version of what I remember reading in the
original version of "Our Bodies, Our Selves". I imagined I would be cared for
lovingly and in the spirit of true feminism, would have a friend present to
hold my hand, and that it would be an empowering and enriching experience.
Instead, my first surgical abortion was nightmarish. Because I am asthmatic, I
chose a local anesthetic, which didn't work at all. Without my being
consulted, a hydrocortisone IV was ordered for me, which I only discovered
while I was tied into stirrups. When I questioned the medication, the doctor
said that if I refused, I could die. He injected my cervix with a needle,
which hurt tremendously, and then he was in me, and I felt everything. You
never forget where your uterus is after an un-anesthetized D&C. I felt the
fast cramps of my cervix dilating, then each scrape with the curette. The pain
was excruciating. I was yelling to stop, then went into a vaso-vegal (?sp)
response (blood pressure and pulse dropped, felt hot and cold at the same
time, broke into a sweat) and the doctor was yelling, "Shut her up!" It was
over in a minute, but I cried for days. I was traumatized, and so two years
later, when I found myself again pregnant two years later, I was desperate to
avoid that situation.
At the time, I also thought my health insurance was in jeopardy (I am
disabled, and have to pay for it out of pocket) and this also impacted my
decision. I have been leery of allopathic doctors now for years, choosing
instead homeopathic, and other means. I found information on the Internet, and
decided an herbal abortion was worth a try.
The date of my last period was 12/30/98. I had felt cramps from the fifteenth
day LMP (which, strangely, has happened in each of my pregnancies - mild
cramps seem to be a symptom of pregnancy), but I did not test, or look into
herbs, until the thirtieth day of my cycle, when I tested positive in a home
pregnancy test. At that time I was in Florida, on a vacation. I called Planned
Parenthood down there, and tried to get information on RU 486. They don't even
give referrals for abortion in Florida, which really surprised me - and made
me feel even more scared and desperate.
I went to a public library, talked my way onto a computer, and looked up
herbal abortions, as well as RU 486. It seemed the RU 486 was very invasive,
Hormonally.
I decided to use Susun Weed's recipe: 20 drops of tincture of American Pennyroyal, 20 drops of tincture of Black Cohosh and 20 drops of tincture of Blue Cohosh. I went to a huge health food supermarket in Florida, with two aisles of herbs and supplement. I couldn't find pennyroyal, and when I asked for help, a salesperson was very nice, went to ask her manager, and then came back very curtly and said, "We don't carry pennyroyal of any kind, any where, in any form, in the store." I felt rebuffed, embarrassed, purchased the Black and Blue Cohosh tinctures, as well as something called "Timely Menses" by Dr. Tori Hudson (mostly because it said, "Not to be used by pregnant and lactating women").
I started taking 1000 mg. of crystal Vitamin C as often as I could remember,
as well as the Timely Menses stuff a few times a day. I got into my car, and
drove from Florida to New York in a day and a half.
When I got home, my lover bought the Pennyroyal tincture, and about 5 weeks
LMP (2/4/99), I completed a closure ritual with the spirit of the fetus, and I
started taking the mixture in hot water, every four hours, round the clock. I
also continued to take Vitamin C, and drank ginger and parsley tea in between.
Twelve hours after I started drinking the tincture mixture, I bled about a
vagina full. I saw some dark clots, as well as chronic villi, then the
bleeding abated. Occasionally my cervix would being to spot, (which I checked
with a Q-tip), but there was no real bleeding or even spotting. I continued
drinking for five days, then stopped.
While my cervix had that soft velvety feel when I started the herbs, by the end of the five days, it felt hard and like cartilage. I spent about three weeks in very close communion with my body - and feeling very cut off from the world.
My uterus was cramping mildly, and with each cramp, I felt hopeful that "it" would pass. It was very anxiety producing to be watching myself that carefully. I felt full, like a
glass filled to the brim, very bloated and a bit sorry for myself.
On the 27th of February (about 8 1/2 weeks LMP), I stimulated a reflexology
point on my right inner ankle, and twelve hours later, I bled again vaginally.
Again, I saw clots and some minor tissue, and wasn't sure, "was this 'it'?" I
started drinking ginger tea again about once or twice a day, and hopefully
laced it with Dong quai tincture once or twice, which felt very powerful.
[A herb stronger than the ginger may have been better, the Dong quai would have been more likely to stimulate uterine contractions and bleeding than ginger would be. However, Dong quai can increase bleeding and at 8 ½ weeks pregnant you were at increased risk for hemorrhage.]
From then on, I spotted continually. It was very light, but my cervix
continued to bleed lightly. I was still cramping, and at that time, I found
out that miraculously, my health insurance was still in force. It was eight
weeks, and I figured if I had miscarried, my period could have come around on
my 'moon' schedule - only four weeks late-- and it had not. I decided to make
an appointment with an OB/GYN. I thought, at this point, that I might have to
have an abortion after all.
I saw the OB/GYN on Tuesday, March 2nd (9 weeks) was very upfront about what
I had done with herbs. She tested my hormone (HcG) levels, which was positive
for pregnancy, about 900 (but very low for 9 weeks.) The one test itself was
inconclusive, because it might have been decreasing, indicating the result of
a miscarriage. She tested me again two days later, and the level had doubled
to 2000 - an indication that I was still pregnant. By then, I was spotting
sizably, changing lightly stained pads about four times a day.
That Sunday, I had sex with my lover, and I started to bleed more. Now, it was
like the third day of a period. On Monday, I had a sonogram, which showed a
gestational sac about a third the size of my uterus, a tiny fetus without a
heartbeat about a tenth of the size of the sac.
Seeing the sonogram was momentarily painful (although I'm quite clear that
I don't want to be a mother again, I still felt a connection to the possibility of 'child'.), but it was
also helpful to visualize. From that moment on, I kept seeing that sac leaving
my body. It was like a rhythm, something I couldn't help thinking about.
After the sonogram, I was delivered of a diagnosis: missed abortion. This was
technically an incomplete, spontaneous abortion prior to 10 weeks.
The traditional approach is to have a D&C, and 'clean out' what's 'left in there'.
I made the appointment with the Doctor for Thursday for the D&C. Because of
complications with my asthma, as well as my fears of feeling intense pain
again, we decided to do the operation in the hospital, so I could have an
anesthesiologist.
I had a lot of feelings about 'giving in' and spoke with my homeopath, who
assured me that "I could pass this sac if I gave my body the chance". I was
also angry at everyone and everything. I did, however, have concerns about
when and where a miscarriage might happen, what it would look like, and
whether I could survive the process.
[At 9 weeks, waiting for the sac to pass could have been dangerous, because at 9 weeks you are at risk for hemorrhage and incomplete abortion which you were already in the midst of. Personally, I think you did the right thing by seeking medical attention]
On Tuesday, I went in for pre-admission testing at the hospital. My HcG level
was getting much higher, about 12000. Tuesday night, on my homeopath's advice,
I took phosphorus 30C, which I repeated Wednesday morning and night as well.
Wednesday, I was at my allergist's office, getting tested for allergies to the
anesthesia they wanted to use because I am chemically sensitive. At about 1:15
in the afternoon, I went downstairs into the lobby of my allergist's office,
and while on the phone, I felt this gush pass out of my vagina. I said to the
person on the phone, "Goddess, I just passed it", hung up, and rushed back up
to my allergist's office.
Over the next three hours or so, I went through 20 or more pads, soaking them
completely.
[At 9 weeks the tissue is much larger and there is more of it than in the first few weeks of pregnancy. The embryo of early pregnancy has become a fetus. ]
After passing some really large clots (which looked to me like the sac, so I
recovered it), I felt a sense of calm come over me. I knew the worst was
already over.
Then I started to contract fiercely. It was like giving birth. With each
contraction, I felt another gush. The pain was barely manageable.
My allergist put me on saline solution IV, we called the OB/GYN and I was
taken to the hospital by ambulance. My BP was high - 180/95. I could walk to
the truck, but when I got to the emergency room, I started to feel faint and
went into another vaso-vegal response.
I was examined in the ER twice, and they said the exterior os was still open,
although the internal os was closed. They pulled tissue out of my cervix with
forceps. A sonogram revealed more tissue inside my uterus. Over the next
hours, the bleeding slowed considerable, to a normal heavy period. My pulse
and BP stayed low overnight - 100/60. I spent the night in the hospital, and
then had the D&C the next day.
Thankfully, the spinal anesthesia worked well, and I didn't feel any of the
D&C. I felt a rush of hormones afterwards, and cried for about two hours. When
I was released, I was kind of dizzy, but that could have well been from not
eating for two days. My homeopath said that what I had experienced was
completely normal, and that had I not been 'interfered with', I would have
probably passed the entire contents of my uterus.
[I don’t know that I agree with your homeopath on this, you also could
have bleed to death. It is better to be safe than not.]
I felt badly that I had incurred big hospital bills, not to mention a lot of drama --
and my doctor said 'you did a very dangerous thing, you know'.
It's the day after, and I don't know if what I did was right or wrong, but
maybe my experience will help another woman decide how she wants to handle a
similar situation. I have yet to figure out what this is all about for me; I
am at 40 and feeling like it's a very big turning point for me. Perhaps this
is a part of that.
12 March 1999
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